Yeah.
Do that again.
PHONE RINGS
Hey, Maxxie.
Happy birthday, mate.
You fucked up my dream, Max.
What was it?
Oh, the usuaI. Russian virgins.
'Good MusIim boys don't dream about virgins.'
That's where you're wrong, Max.
That's aII we dream of.
- WiII you come to my birthday party, Max? - WiII you teII your mum and dad I'm gay?
I dunno.
I can't unIess you do.
Maxxie, it won't be right if you don't come.
'17. It's the year of teIIing the truth. OK?
'The truth, yeah, mate?'
PHONE GOES DEAD
- (AII) Happy birthday! - Agh!
SCREAMING
Mum! Get out!
That's tiny.
Get out! Oh!
Mum!
A respectfuI boy at Ieast wears something in bed!
Happy birthday, IittIe boy!
I'm 17, Mum. I'm not a IittIe boy any more.
So it wouId seem.
Now hurry up, everybody's waiting downstairs for you!
''Dear...Cassie.''
''Hi...Cassie.''
''Hey...Cassie.''
Oh, boIIocks!
''Cassie.''
''Dear Sid...
''It isn't easy to teII you this, so that's why I'm writing.
''Don't try to ring me because you're not aIIowed to here,
''and anyway, I don't want to speak to you
''and there's nothing you can say to change this.''
''I'm shit with words.
''Everything aIways comes out so...crap.
''But I've been thinking and everything is getting cIearer.''
''My mum and dad have decided that things aren't working out.
''So we're moving to a pIace caIIed EIgin.
''It's in ScotIand and everyone's happy there.''
''The thing is, Cass, I've woken up this morning,
''the sun's shining through the window and it's making me think of you.
''Cassie, it's not right you hiding away in that cIinic. You've got to get out in the worId!''
''They're coming for me tonight
''and then I'II be gone and we won't have to pIay this game any more.''
''Cassie, I don't care if you think you're odd
''because I feeI Iike singing when I see you and you're beautifuI.
''I've been such a fucking chapstick these past few weeks
''and aII I want to do now is sit on Brandon HiII
''and hoId you and teII you how wonderfuI you are
''and stick my hand down your knickers.''
No. Jesus! ''And...''
''I want you to know I reaIIy Iiked you, Sid.''
- ''And...'' - ''But it's too Iate now.
''Goodbye.''
I Iove you.
DOORBELL
Ange, there's someone at your door.
Yeah.
DOORBELL
Angie? Are you ashamed of me?
Of course I'm fucking ashamed of you!
Tut, Pussy! Right, I'II teII whoever it is...
No! Just stay there.
For Christ's sakes!
Oh, Christ!
AngeIa!
Merve?!
When did you get back?
Now!
Merve, you can't just do this.
We need to taIk.
AngeIa, you know you missed me.
This isn't fair!
Where's your ring?
I threw it in the fucking harbour, OK?
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
Angie? What ring?
CHATTER OF FEMALE VOICES
- Where were you? - Sorry. SIept in.
SIept in? You miss prayers with an excuse Iike that?
Dad, it's my birthday.
Aren't you going to say heIIo?
I've been on controI since three o'cIock yesterday.
32 cabs, not that you'd care. It's a stupid fuss over a birthday party.
Does it give respect to God? Does it promote peace?
- No, Dad. - Does it heIp the poor? It's an affront.
So why do we have to do it anyway? I don't even want a party.
Because I Iove that woman more than these Iegs I drag myseIf aIong on,
and what she wants, she gets. AII right?
< Is Maxxie here yet?
Um...no.
We don't see him these days.
We had a fight.
A fight? You fight with your friends?
Yeah.
What wouId you fight Maxxie about? He's a good boy.
AIways weII turned out, respectfuI. The best type.
Never mind.
Whatever it is, forgive him and don't be a bIoody fooI.
Now teII them I'm sIeeping, huh?
- (Mum) Put down that food! - (ChiId) Auntie, can I have one?
No, you can't! Get out of my kitchen!
Who's that boy? AII the time there's IittIe boys.
Boys don't... Here he is!
(AII) Happy birthday!
Hi, Auntie Jess.
Oh! He's got a moustache. LittIe Anwar's got a moustache!
That ain't aII LittIe Anwar's got.
Why aren't you saying heIIo to Aunty Sahra and UncIe Muneer?
Sorry. HE SHOUTS
They've come aII the way from Sutton CoIdfieId and they don't get a heIIo?
HeIIo, UncIe Muneer.
Anwar. So... 18 at Iast, huh?
No. No, I'm 17.
What?
He's 17?
Yeah. What's the probIem?
You drag me here, aII this way! I paid money to drive on the M6. Money -
just to drive on a road to come to a 17th birthday party? Huh?!
Ahh! Got you!
- I had you going, didn't I? Didn't I? - He is so funny, my brother!
(Mum) Why did you faII for that one?
(Every fucking year!)
L-O-L-L-I-P-O-P.
LoIIipop.
- You're just too good. - Of course!
- When are your foIks coming? - Later. They've packed.
Hm. Bummer.
- You wanna get out of here? - Huh?
Let's go out.
- We're not aIIowed. - Come on. I want one Iast Iook.
What if we get hungry?
There's...there's food out there, you know.
Come on!
How?
It's easy.
We're just getting a breath of fresh air.
My friend thinks she want to puke.
Go. For fuck's sake, go!
HE PANTS
- HeIIo? - 'Restorations CIinic.'
Can you heIp me? I reaIIy, reaIIy need to come in.
I know you don't Iike it, but I need to come in, OK?
HeIIo. Can I heIp?
Yes. Yes. I need to see someone. It's very important.
There's something I have to get off my chest
and if I don't, I'm afraid everything might just totaIIy go to shit.
Right.
I've got something going on and I need to see someone.
I've got something going on in here...
(T-shirt) 'Megadog's trying to teII us something. Woof, woof!''
OK. Let's see if we can sort you out, shaII we?
Just you wait right there.
Ah, thanks. I don't know what this means, but...
What? What's going on?
What are you doing? Let go! Come on! You don't understand! Cassie-ie-ie!
HEAVY DOOR SLAMS
Hey!
I'm not mad, for fuck's sake! I'm fine!
I'm fine!
LIGHTER CLICKS
For fuck's sake!
PHONE RINGS
- 'What?' - Leave him aIone.
'What the fuck, Angie?! What the fuck?'
- Hey. Hey, I wanna taIk to you. - TaIk away, sweetie.
Are you gonna teII me who the fuck you are?
- I'm the fiance. - No, you're not.
- Yes, I am. - Since when?
Since she asked me to marry her.
Where the fuck did you come from?
I'm Mervin. She gave me genitaI herpes.
I'm the Iove of her Iife. I'm back.
You don't stand a chance, kid,
not even with that beautifuI littIe cock of yours.
What, she toId you?
She teIIs me everything, kid. I can see into her souI.
Now do us a favour and disappear, OK?
But... No. She can see into my souI.
- How oId are you? - 1 7.
You haven't got a souI yet.
With Iuck you haven't got herpes, either. Quit whiIe you're ahead.
And with that, I bid you good day.
Hi, Effy.
Your brother just caIIed me. We're not speaking.
I heard things got a bit out of controI Iast week.
You feeIing better?
Is that why they sent you to the posh schooI?
They think that'II sort you out?
SchooI on a Saturday.
Hardcore.
Why don't you speak, Effy?
Does nobody ask you why?
It must mean something.
Doesn't anybody care?
Tony reaIIy hurt me, Effy.
Why did he do that?
Sometimes I think you're the onIy person in the whoIe worId Tony truIy cares about.
I thought maybe... maybe he toId you why he did that.
If I couId trust him to teII the truth just once,
then maybe I couId...
It was nice seeing you, Effy. I'm gIad you're OK.
- 'I Iove you, Tone!' - 'You're going to be on Big Brother, Nips.'
- 'You do that and I'II kiII you!' - 'You're gonna be famous.'
'But if you're famous you have to have, Iike, huge boobs
'and bIonde hair and I have neither of them. WouId you Iike me Iike that?'
'I Iike you Iike that, Nips.
'You've gotta do something whacky.
'What?'
'Come to bed with me. PIease.'
MICHELLE SCREAMS
- 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry!' - 'Give me that phone!'
- 'What?' - 'Go on!'
'Nips, Nips, caIm down... CaIm down, Nips.'
RINGING TONE
Answer. You know you want to.
'Hi. This is MicheIIe. Leave a message, except if you're Tony,
'because Tony can fuck off!'
BEEP
PIease.
DISCO MUSIC PLAYS
(Anwar's mum) Hurry up. Make sure you set up aII the tabIes and everything.
The caterer's going to be Iate, I know.
< GIGGLING
(Anwar's mum) What are you giggIing about?
''Anwar, you naughty boy, I want to spank your...'' Who wrote this?
FEEDBACK SQUEAKS Who wrote that?
Mum, why does UncIe Muneer have to do the disco again?
Why on earth not?
It's just... Mum, pIease.
Are you hearing this? He doesn't want my own brother's gift of music.
Do what your mother says, ungratefuI wretch!
- But, Dad... - Your uncIe knows what's respectabIe.
- Dad! - Your EngIish friends have no restraint.
They don't wear enough cIothes. They drink, shout, fornicate. They puke in the back of cabs.
We have proper, tunefuI music,
so the EngIish don't burn the pIace down and get me arrested.
That's why your mother is right in aII things. Now say no more about it. No more!
Thank you, Istiak. Thank you very much.
Come on, you three, now. Is the buffet going to do itseIf?
Muneer's an arsehoIe.
What did you just...?
A compIete tosser. At Ieast he can't grope the women up there.
FEEDBACK
- Ladies! - HeIIo, Mr KharraI.
NiceIy dressed too. You see - respectfuI.
I keep asking Anwar when Maxxie is coming.
He says they fought. Why wouId anyone fight a boy Iike Maxxie?
WeII...
I never see Maxxie, you know. He was such a wonderfuI dancer. Tap dancing, huh?
- Superb. PhysicaI. - Yeah. We know...
Anyway. Have some fun, huh?
I won't be Iong.
CooI. But hurry, in case I get hungry.
I could hold your beautiful hands...
RINGS DOORBELL
..And kiss your beautiful eyelids...
< Oh! Hi, Cassie, come in.
- Sid's not here. - I know.
.. Throw open your beautiful doors
And phone your beautiful friends
But it's all over
It's all over...
Bye.
..It's all over
It's all over
I could bind your beautiful wrists
Oh, shame on your beautiful friends...
Oh, shit!
..Cos it's all over
It's all over
It's all over...
'So Iet's take a Iook at what's going to be happening in New South WaIes.
'It's going to be hot, super hot, and you'd better keep in the shade around noon,
'because, by goIIy, it's going to hit 42! Whooo!
'Ah, you've caught me off guard. Thanks, Burt(!)
'..FIushing those pesky beggars from underneath your porch.
'Showers wiII carry on tiII Thursday, so get your bowsers out, guys.'
You're gay.
'Now Iet's take a Iook at what's cooking down in Tasmania
'and beIieve me, whooo...' CLICK!
DOOR SHUTS
- I broke in. - That's not fair, Chris.
You Iied to me.
I never Iied. I just...
Merve went away on a fieId trip to AIaska for six months.
CIimate change.
What? He doesn't Iike hot weather?
No. CIimate change!
- The fucking icebergs are meIting, OK? - Oh...
Christ!
Did you ever pay any attention in coIIege, Chris?
We're trying to fucking educate you!
WeII, cheers, Angie.
Appreciate it.
We had some issues...
WeII, Merve did.
And I...
Screwed around.
You don't know what I did.
You reaIIy don't know that much about me, Chris.
I need some time.
Can't you see it?
What?
We've got some stuff. We've got some stuff...
I'II see you, Angie.
Can't take it, huh, sweetie?
(Oh, yeah.)
Beat it.
DISCO MUSIC
Hi. Enjoying your party?
Um... Do I know you?
I'm Seeta... friend of Atifa.
Oh. Right, um...
Have I met you before?
Like a miIIion times.
I asked your sister to invite me here tonight.
Right... Why was that?
(I want to tongue you senseIess, big boy.)
Just to check...you're not my cousin, are you?
No.
You're not reIated to me in any way.
Uh-uh.
Happy birthday, Anwar.
(Thank you, Jesus...)
RECORD SCRATCHES, FEEDBACK
(Muneer) WeIcome, everybody, and a happy birthday to Anwar!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
He's the appIe of my sister's eye,
a great God-fearing Iad.
So we've thrown a party to ceIebrate his birthday
and his marriage to his cousin who's just fIown in from Pakistan!
GASPS AND HUSHED MURMURING
Aaaah!
Got you!
Had you going!
Didn't I? Didn't I?
I'II bIoody kiII him! I'II kiII him!
So come on, everybody, Iet's dance!
MUSIC STARTS UP AGAIN
Oh, yeah! AII right!
Here we go, whoo-whoo!
Come on, everybody, hit the dance fIoor.
Come on, whooo-whooo!
Raas!
This is a big boy tune!
This mofo's got some serious riddims kickin' off!
You get me?! You get me?!
I'd so wouId Iove you to dance.
WouId you?
Oh, God!
Oh, God! It's wonderfuI!
That's cooI. I'm gIad.
I think there's one more pIace I want to go.
I'm eating...
OK.
I never knew Iife couId be so good!
It's OK. I don't think he's dangerous...for the moment.
This is another fine mess you got yourseIf into.
I gotta find Cassie.
She's not here, mate. Run away again.
What?
WeII, I've gotta teII her something.
Do you understand me? I've gotta find her. I...
I Iove her.
Oh...
weII.
Then we'd better attend to that need with due dispatch, my friend.
Tony, you're my best friend,
but I reaIIy don't know what the fuck you're on about most of the time.
Do you think that matters?
Sidney, I think, on baIance, it heIps.
I reckon Anwar's party, yeah?
Yeah. That's it! Let's go, for fuck's sake!
Tone, this is my dad's car.
Yep. I went round to get your cIothes. Your dad was watching the footbaII
and I reckoned we'd get here a Iot faster if I nicked it.
You stoIe my dad's car again?!
Yeah, but I've got Effy to worry about now.
I'm meant to keep an eye on her now she's a drug fiend.
Better get changed, mate. You don't get the girI wearing Bermuda shorts.
Fuck it. Drive!
A mission of Iove... CooI!
God. You're Iike...totaIIy...
..totaIIy...fit.
I know.
I'm so sorry.
There's somebody just has to meet you.
PHONE RINGS
- Hi. - 'Where are you, man?'
I'm outside, An. It's reaIIy fucking coId.
- 'Come inside.' - I don't think so.
'Just come inside, man. You gotta see this...'
No, Anwar. It doesn't matter. I'm going, OK?
'Maxxie... Maxxie, I'm coming.'
PIease.
Maxxie!
Hi, Mr KharraI.
You're just in time for the food.
- Dad, Maxxie's gay. - We've got a fantastic Iamb bhuna.
- My wife made it because she knows... - Dad. Did you hear me?
And the spices are just so hot, you know. Not too much, not too IittIe...
I'm gay, Mr KharraI.
I aIways have been.
It's a fucking stupid, messed-up worId.
I've got my God. He speaks to me every day.
Some things I just can't work out. So I Ieave them be. OK?
Even if I think they're wrong.
Because I know one day he'II make me understand.
I've got that trust.
It's caIIed beIief.
I'm a Iucky man. Right?
Yes, Dad.
Come, Maxxie. The food's ready.
Jesus, Anwar! Who's the DJ? That's Starship. Even I think that's wank!
- Can't be that bad. They've got Iamb bhuna. - What? Your mum's?
Yup.
Let's go.
- I've had the best birthday present ever. - Cos you're back with your best mate, yeah?
No, stupid. I've puIIed.
MUSIC BOOMS INSIDE
You coming in?
Go find Cassie.
Cheers, Tone.
Sid...
That was on your bed.
AII right.
I'II see you.
Just you and me, sis.
Fucking wanker. >
Eff? What you taIking about?
MicheIIe.
I tried.
Nah. Wanker.
- I said sorry. - Wanker.
Effy!
I Iiked it better when you didn't taIk.
Wanker.
Stay here.
VOMITING >
Hey, Cassie.
- Wow! Hi, Tony. - Is she aII right?
She couIdn't make it stick.
Bummer.
I'm Ieaving tonight. We're going to ScotIand.
Sid's Iooking for you.
TeII him goodbye for me.
TeII him yourseIf.
No.
See you, Tony.
No, wait! I've got you a going-away present.
I think you want to see this.
StyIe-wise it couId be improved. But it made severaI compeIIing thematic points.
MUSIC BLARES
MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH
MUSIC STOPS, CHEERING
Excuse me.
Give it back, mate.
Huh?
My ring's gone waIkabout, cobber, and I've come over aII shonky.
I've heard that can happen.
You Iooking for a touch of this?
Oh, Merve,
we hardIy know each other.
You don't want me and my Joeys to spit the dummy.
Because they'II take you Iower than a dead dingo's donger.
Right. Now they've Iost me.
Stop it! Stop it, aII of you, for fuck's sake!
Give it back, Chris. OK?
Give what back?
AII right.
Sorry.
Ladies and gentIemen, we have a happy event!
A very happy event! Everyone, whoo!
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING No. No, it's not that. Listen!
MUSIC STARTS
It's yours, Angie. Do you want it?
No.
Yeah. She Ioves me.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, no!
Watch out!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Has anybody seen Cassie?
(Anwar's mum) Someone caII the poIice!
(Anwar's mum) Not the face!
TINKLING RINGTONE
HeIIo, Tony.
'MicheIIe?'
What?
MicheIIe, I want to taIk to you.
'I can't hear you.'
MicheIIe, Iisten... Is it a bad signaI?
Hang on.
- Can you hear me now? - 'Tony?'
I need to teII you something.
I'm a twat.
I don't know why I'm Iike this. Maybe I can change.
'I can change.'
You're the onIy one.
'The truth is...'
The truth is, I Iove you.
HORN BLARES
BRAKES SCREECH
Tony! Ahhhhh!
Tony?
Tony!
Fuck!
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Now that I've Iost everything to you
You say you wanna start something new
And it's breaking my heart you're leaving
Baby, I'm grieving
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there
Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl
You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breaking my heart in two
Cos I never wanna see you sad, girl
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware
Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Baby, I love you
But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a Iot of bad and beware
Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
And I'll always remember you like a child, girl
Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
And I'll always remember you like a child, girl.
(Cassie) Hi.
(Sid) Hi.